With a title like that, you know it's gonna be cheesy!

Once in a while I just feel like a very tame movie with lots of cheesiness, even at the risk of some awfully saccharin moments. When the movie features Christopher Lloyd, to boot, I can’t resist, and willingly plop myself on the futon to waste a couple of hours on a family-style scary film.

When Good Ghouls Go Bad is based on the R.L. Stine book of the same name, which, like all of his other works, I never got around to reading when I was in the proper age demographic. It’s set in Walker Falls, Minnesota, a town which hasn’t celebrated Halloween for twenty years after the tragic death of Curtis Danko, the local outcast. The story goes that Curtis created a sculpture so frightening that only the devil himself could look upon it. It goes further to claim that a message written by the dying Curtis swore revenge upon the town if they ever celebrated another Halloween. When a local boy saw the statue, he was rendered blind for three days, so no one else dared to look upon it. They covered it up and placed it in the crypt where Curtis Danko was laid to rest.

So poor Danny Walker ends up moving to town with his father, who grew up there, so his father could fulfill his dream of reopening the chocolate factory. His grand plan involves bringing in German investors and putting on a huge Halloween festival. In a town that is too terrified to celebrate Halloween, that poses a problem, and a handy conflict point. Danny gets picked on at school, naturally, and hears the frightening tales of Curtis Danko. Only his crazy grandfather, who insists on being called Uncle Fred, provides him some much needed protection and companionship.

Uncle Fred is a big fan of Halloween, as well, so he quickly becomes the focus of the town’s rage, along with his well meaning son. Odd things begin to happen in the town, and Uncle Fred meets a sad fate. As only a family-style movie can do, this tragedy turns into a lot of slapstick comedy, and Christopher Lloyd shines.

This isn’t anything that original, but it’s a story told with such a joire de vie that it doesn’t matter. We have a bunch of precocious kids with half-heartedly stern parents, allowing them run of the town to try to bring Halloween back for themselves. There’s a very tame romance between a single mother and a single father, just enough to keep the parents watching alongside their kids. But mostly there’s a lot of slapstick, a lot of cheese, and a lot of giggle factor, especially as the ghouls and zombies start walking around town doing their thing. Our creepy monsters are done up about as well as typical Halloween decorations, which just made me laugh all the harder. Glowing LED eyes, foam skeletons propped up and jiggled around on sticks, lots of smoke and fog… You’ve seen it all at that one house every neighborhood has that goes all out for Halloween.

In the end everything works out the way it should in a perfect world, where the good guys get their just rewards, and the not-so-good guys get their comeuppance in a nice, tame way. In real life there would have been arrests and jail time, but we’ll just overlook that for the sake of a nice, tame, escape from reality.

If precocious kids just give you a headache, steer a wide path around When Good Ghouls Go Bad. However, if you’re a Christopher Lloyd fan like I am, give this a viewing and enjoy him obviously enjoying himself. There are also a ton of secondary characters that provide plenty of distraction. Obviously this is a movie you can also sit and watch with your own little ones, if you have them, but if you don’t, there’s no shame in giggling your way through an afternoon watching something a little sweet, barely scary, and so very, very cheesy.

Tags: Brendan McCarthy, Brittany Byrnes, Christopher Lloyd, Curtis Danko, Fox Family, Halloween, made for tv movie, R.L. Stine, Roy Billing, Tom Amandes, Walker Falls

Pretty to look at, but not a lot of depth...

I was curious about this particular adaptation of Philippa Gregory’s The Other Boleyn Girl, which I enjoyed reading so much despite (and maybe because of) plenty of artistic license with history. I was disappointed the movie left out so much of the novel, changed “facts”, and presented us with a husk of the great historical fiction the writer delivered.

The Other Boleyn Girl is certainly beautiful to watch. The costumes are gorgeous, hair and makeup, and all the little details just so. The settings are lush, shots of the castle are done in such a way that it looks ominous, just in case you forget that this isn’t going to be a tale with a happy ending. But there’s no substance here. The script is the usual tripe we’ve heard in every other ‘historical drama’. This should have been a dark drama about political intrigue, an emotional tale about two young sisters pitted against each other to further their family’s interests, and an interesting examination of societal mores, including incest and homosexuality. Philippa Gregory’s novel is certainly much more in depth, and while I understand the need to cut for time, what they chose to cut weakened the overall story instead of getting to the actual meat.

All that being said, I enjoyed the movie. I guess I’m just not picky enough about these kinds of films to be mortally offended that a good book is reduced to a cheesy movie. The dialogue is often stilted because they were trying to make it sound all historical and dramatic, so there’s some cheap chuckles for me there. Seeing the attention to detail on the costumes in comparison to the story also amused me. What did impress me was the quality of the acting.

Eric Bana plays the notorious King Henry VIII, although he barely gets enough screen time to develop his character. He plays the younger, still physically attractive Henry, and rolls with the script that portrays him as a man willing to toss aside his kingdom’s well being just to get a pretty young thing into his bed. Jim Sturgess plays the Boleyn sister’s brother, George, who is also horribly underused. But since his character in the book is torn by his painfully loveless marriage to Jane Parker, his emerging homosexuality, and inappropriate fascination with his sisters, I guess filmmakers were too nervous to tackle those issues. What little we see of George is well played, however.

The other Boleyn family that we see are the father, mother, and uncle. The father and uncle are stereotypes, with the father loving his daughters, but letting his ambition override this to let them be whored out. The uncle is just a sleaze. The mother, played by Kristin Scott Thomas, is polar opposite to her character in the book, and actually loves her daughters, and speaks out on their behalf. Again, all characters are acted well, despite major script limitations.

Then we have the sisters. I truly didn’t think Natalie Portman could pull off the Anne Boleyn of the novel, who is portrayed as cruelly conniving and ambitious, and viciously jealous of her sister, Mary’s, ‘good fortune’. The movie tones Anne down quite a bit, making her more sympathetic, and giving Natalie Portman a chance to prove she can act, despite not being allowed to in those last Star Wars movies. She is believable as an ambitious, strong willed young woman willing to do whatever it takes to become queen, yet still loves her sister and brother, and the daughter she gives birth to. Ms. Portman, I am duly impressed.

Scarlett Johansson plays a sweet young Mary who is put in front of the king after Anne blows her first chance. Once again I was surprised at how well this actress did with the role. She could have gone all “Mary Sue” on us and been so sweet that you want to slap her around. Instead she shows us a young woman who initially resists being used as a pawn, then falls in love with the king, and then is cast aside for her sister. Through it all she shows us her anger at her family, and especially her sister, for these betrayals, but makes us believe that she still loves Anne without making Mary look like a doormat.

Overall, I enjoyed this movie. If I hadn’t read the book first, I would have enjoyed it more because I wouldn’t have known how much they butchered it. But cheese is cheese, and while not as trashy as Showtime’s The Tudors by any means, this has a soap opera appeal I can’t stay away from. I will seriously consider adding this one to my permanent collection.

Tags: Eric Bana, Henry VIII, Historical Drama, JIm Sturgess, King Henry, Kristin Scott Thomas, movie review, Natalie Portman, Scarlett Johansson, The Other Boleyn Girl, The Tudors

I want a plushie toy based on this movie!

I’ve watched this movie a couple of times now, and I still giggle my way through it, no matter how badly chopped up the plot continuity is. I suspect that things were deleted to make it fit the television time frame, but then again, there’s a distinct possibility that the writers decided they just didn’t need the surviving characters to even notice that one of their ranks, at their side only minutes before, isn’t celebrating victory with them, and is instead lying in an undignified bloody mess a few yards away. To my surprise, that’s one of the only complaints I have about Beyond Loch Ness, a.k.a. Loch Ness Terror.

The movie starts off with a father bringing his son with him to investigate the Loch Ness in Scotland. The father discovers a huge tunnel that possibly leads to the ocean, and also brings up an egg to the surface. Not a smart move. While everyone is all excited about the find, a 60 foot plesiosaur rises to the surface, and after securing its egg, kills everyone except for the son.

We flash to a small town in the United States where a grizzled man is insisting that he’s seen the Loch Ness Monster in their lake, and is determined to get its picture. He’s related to the town’s sheriff, a tough, no-nonsense woman with a college age son who apparently is more interested in running a bait shop than actually going to college. This son meets our lone Scotland survivor, who is now a rugged crypto-zoologist, in town on a lead. These two characters hit it off, and discuss science and daddy issues, much to the chagrin of the sheriff.

When deaths start happening, naturally our crypto-zoologist is the only one who can help, since he’s seen the beastie responsible up close and personal, and has made it his life’s mission to get revenge. Along the way we get teenagers on an island becoming snacks, and our bait shop boy coming to the rescue. Naturally he ends up needing rescuing, as well, because the plesiosaur has made a nest on the island, and there are lots and lots of cute, hungry, fast waddling babies around.

There’s not really much of a plot here, which is just fine. It makes it easier to watch when a movie of this caliber doesn’t try to aim too high. The characters are what entertain me the most. Brian Krause plays the crypto-zoologist with a chip on his shoulder, a cigarillo constantly clenched in his mouth, and a lot of humor. I think he even intended to be that funny, too. His character is so over-the-top cliched that there’s no other way to play him. Niall Matter plays the son who plays guide. He’s smart, has a lot of charm, and doesn’t overdo the ‘daddy issues’, so thankfully I don’t feel the need to slap him around and give him a reason to cry. On an interesting side note he went on to play the very small part of Mothman in The Watchmen film, and then progressed into a recurring role in Eureka, playing pretty much the same guy, just different setting and higher I.Q., as he is in Beyond Loch Ness.

We get lots and lots of scenes with the beastie, and the beastie babies. Watching these creatures waddle around on land just makes me think ‘Aw, how cute!’, at least until they start eating someone. The CGI has a lot of details, to the point I think either someone bought the CGI from the Discovery Channel, or just really, really loves dinosaurs. Either way, I appreciated the quality, and especially the quantity, of the graphics. As I’ve often said, never, ever skimp on the monster!

There is a bit of gore, but definitely not to the level some of these kinds of creature features stoop to. The story is decent, the characters are well-written and well-acted, and the CGI is great. The ending feels a bit rushed, as if the writers realized they were going too long for this genre, but even that I can forgive, because there’s still that over-the-top humor sprinkled everywhere. This is a DVD that I’d pick up if I found it for less than ten bucks, because it’d be a good movie to throw in on a lazy afternoon when your brain is begging you to let it stop thinking for a couple of hours.

Tags: Beyond Loch Ness, Brian Krause, creature feature, Eureka, giggle factor, Loch Ness Monster, Loch Ness Terror, Nessie, Niall Matter

When you don't have time to watch ALL the movies it rips off!

Well, Knights Of Bloodsteel was a heck of a lot better than the last mini series I watched (Merlin’s Apprentice). It’s not that original, but at least all the parts it steals from classic tales we’ve all seen a million times are recombined into something that feels different. We have elves, goblins, humans, and an evil malformed being intent on retrieving a precious crucible which is the source of all power in the land. We have four mismatched ‘ordinary folk’ pulled together and knighted to quest for this crucible, since it must not fall into the hands of the evil Dragon Eye.

We have an elven granddaughter following in the wise footsteps of her great wizard grandfather, training to become a mighty sorcerer for Mirabalis. Supposedly she’s also a bounty hunter, but we never see her collect an actual bounty. We have a human on a personal quest for revenge, killing off all the evil members of The Brood who slaughtered his family. He calls himself an assassin, and has a very interesting ‘come and go’ (mostly ‘go’) Irish accent. We have a human conman who sells devices that would be Viagra today. And we have a goblin who turns out to be cursed and empowered with the ability to be a vessel to the souls of the recently departed, gaining their powers and knowledge at the cost of his own will.

The story itself is just backdrop, an excuse to watch sword fights, people with elf ears, and CGIed dragons. There are lot of holes that just never get filled in by the end of it, such as Dragon Eye’s obsession to revive his very human son, who was cursed to slumber forever while his father wasted away to nothingness. At the end, we don’t get to see what happens to this child, or at least, I didn’t notice because all the other ends were lofting about in the wind, obviously seeking the grounding force of a potential sequel, but just being distracting and mildly disappointing after so much invested time.

There’s definitely nothing wrong with the cast. We get Christopher Lloyd playing the wise elven sorcerer Tesselink. He pulls off the long hair better than you’d think, and only now am I thinking of the obvious comparison of his character to Gandalf when he wore that whole white ensemble. We don’t get enough of Mr. Lloyd, but while he’s there things are definitely on solid footing. David James Elliott plays John Serragoth, the human assassin, and while his accent is laughable, he’s a charming presence otherwise. Natassia Malthe plays the elven sorcerer Perfidia, and while her character isn’t consistent throughout, I don’t really care because she kicks just as much butt as she always does, and manages to keep her slight English accent from succumbing to a vanishing spell. Mark Gibbon plays the evil Dragon Eye, wearing tons of makeup that probably sent him to his chiropractor after each day’s filming. If that’s his voice coming out of that makeup too, damn! It’s definitely a fitting tone for such an ugly, scary guy. The rest of the characters are all very well played, even though some are there just as ballast.

The special effects are very cool in this movie. The whole story hinges on a metal called Blood Steel which is supposed to fuel magic and machine alike. There are some nifty compasses, viewing devices, spy devices, and assassination gadgets, including an assassin’s claw that can control the poor human it’s installed on. The CGI on the dragons we get a few glimpses of are worth the wait, and remind you that you’re watching a fantasy film.

Sadly, there’s a lot missing from Knights Of Bloodsteel that would make me excited to hear of a sequel, or a television series. Hopefully when they put out a DVD version it will be some ridiculously extended version that adds another two or three hours so all the gaps can be filled in, and the story fleshed out properly. This is another movie that is so close to greatness that it’s frustrating. I’m going to go have another glass of wine to take away the sting of ‘what should have been’.

Tags: Christopher Lloyd, David James Elliott, dragons, Dragons Of Blackroc, fantasy movie, John Serragoth, Knights Of Bloodsteel, Mark Gibbon, Mirabalis, Natassia Malthe, Perfidia, so close to greatness it's frustrating, Tesselink

City stomping fun!

Surprisingly, I’m not a huge Godzilla movie fan. I watch them if they happen to be on, but I never embraced them so much that I took the story or character of Godzilla very seriously. The older ones with their deliberately awful English dubs and cookie cutter plots are always good for a laugh, and are easy to watch. Godzilla 2000 was the first release since 1985 that hit North American theaters, and I remember seeing previews for it and wanting to go for the train wreck and camp. It was obvious to me that it was meant to be a lot of fun, and now that I finally had a chance to sit down and watch it in the comfort of my own home, that point was proven without a doubt.

We have a Godzilla Prediction Network dedicated to tracking the big guy around Tokyo, which is fronted by a father and his young, ‘I need to be smacked for being a snot’ daughter. A cute little reporter hooks up with them hoping to get pictures of Godzilla, and thereby get herself promoted to ‘real’ news at the paper she works for. We have a bad guy heading up Crisis Control Intelligence. His voice dub is really close to fitting him, but not quite, which brings out the giggles in me right away. This guy is focused on a large space rock that landed in the water near Tokyo, and he figures it’s a great idea to bring it to the surface to study and figure out how to exploit. Naturally he and the head of the Godzilla Prediction Network have a frosty history as former co-workers, to the point that the bad guy tries to blow the good guy up in a building on the pretense that he can’t stop the countdown, or the alien will win.

Oh, that’s right! There’s an alien! Of course the space rock is really a spaceship, fueled by solar power, and determined to suck up all the data from Tokyo, and all the genetic code from Godzilla so it can adapt to Earth and properly take over. We get plenty of monster fighting, models of Tokyo smashed to bits, and cool looking energy beams from both Godzilla and the alien.

The main characters are a lot of fun to watch, because everything is over the top, especially with the English dubs. We get exchanges like this:
Good guy head of Godzilla Prediction Network: “Are you sure you remembered to take the lens cap off?”
Cute little reporter: “Oh, bite me! Grrr!”
The “Grrr” is seriously in the dialogue. It’s those kinds of gems of witty banter that kept me laughing and thoroughly entertained the whole way through, even when the monster fights seemed to drag on a little too long.

At the end there’s a debate over whether Godzilla is a destroyer or protector of Tokyo. The good guy makes the case for ‘protector’ as Godzilla heads back out to sea after his monumental fight with the alien that surely bankrupted several insurance companies. What makes that commentary completely ludicrous is the fact that Godzilla is doing even more damage as he leaves, tromping on cars, knocking down even more buildings, and leaving plenty of fire and chaos in his wake. Yep. That’s just how I like my city to be protected…

Never mind that the plot leaves a lot to be desired. The plot isn’t the reason to watch a Godzilla movie, and anyone willing to sit down and waste an hour and a half or so of their life watching a man in a rubber suit hop around while that classic Godzilla roar sounds in their ears knows exactly what I’m talking about. It’s campy. It’s cheesy. It’s timeless. It’s a great way to ignore the scary real world and giggle yourself silly!

Tags: action movie, b-movie, creature feature, giggle factor, Godzilla, Godzilla 2000, monster, popcorn munching afternoon

Lot's of fun, considering it's a Hallmark Movie!

I normally wouldn’t encourage, even insist, you go out and spend hard-earned cash on a made-for-television mini-series, especially one as light and frothy as The Curse Of King Tut’s Tomb. However, for the $3.99 price at Amazon, I’m seriously considering snapping up my own copy, especially if I just need some little extra thing to get that free shipping. And this would be a fun treat for myself, because it’s light-hearted, fun, well-acted and surprisingly well-written.

First off, no gore for the sake of gore. There are a few eerie scenes, but it all fit into the story, and wasn’t there as cheap filler. It’s tame, so some folks out there might find this boring, but there are plenty of times when I just want something to watch that isn’t going to disturb me, or any youngster that might walk into the room. I hate to use the term ‘family friendly’ because that has such a watered-down, saccharin-sweet connotation, but I would be comfortable letting my little nephew watch this with me.

The story is set back in 1922 Cairo, with the hunt for King Tut’s tomb in full swing by various people for various reasons. Casper Van Dien is the main character, Danny Freemont, a total ripoff of Indiana Jones as far as being a young, charismatic young archeologist who also teaches. There are plenty of costumes that just made me laugh out loud at the intentional ‘borrowing’ from that iconic character. However, there are plenty of differences as the story progresses, including Danny being on the outs with most of his academic peers because of his radical theories, including the existence of Atlantis, and the purpose of four pieces of an emerald tablet that is in King Tut’s tomb.

We get to see his rival immediately, as Danny uncovers a third piece of this fabled tablet, only to have it stolen out from under him by Morgan Sinclair, a member of a secret cabal of powerful men. This secret society is out to control the world (naturally), and Morgan Sinclair has assured them that attaining the four pieces of this emerald tablet is the key. Morgan isn’t highly respected by his own peers, since his accomplishments are only as a result of following Danny Freemont around and stealing from him. However, he is a force to be reckoned with for his ruthlessness, and ability to seethe with anger at the appropriate times. I find it necessary to point out that Morgan Sinclair is played by Jonathan Hyde, an original player in the blockbuster The Mummy, so he’s an ‘old hat’ at this sort of role, and does it well.

The other main character is the love interest, a lovely French Egyptologist named Azelia Barakat played by Leonor Varela. She’s the stereotypical heroine for this kind of movie. She’s smart, beautiful, adventurous, despises (at least on the surface) our hero, and is conveniently engaged to another man to make her ‘unattainable’. There is believable chemistry between her and Casper Van Dien, and it actually helps the story that it’s such a platonic sort of romance, because that forces the writers to actually do some character development, as well as make sure the story is interesting enough to keep you watching.

There are plenty of other great characters throughout, but the main three I’ve just discussed are the ones that drive the plot, and provide a surprising amount of humor. Even the villain provides some great laughs as he deals with his underlings, and Casper Van Dien proves that he can deliver a funny line very well. The more roles I see Casper Van Dien in, the more I think it’s a shame his star never reached higher than Starship Troopers.

The plot on this movie is pretty generic, even though it has the twist of making King Tut an actual god who fights to save the world. Even at nearly four hours, it never dragged, and constantly made me wistful for at least this good of writing and acting in all of the movies I subject myself to. For the great price, I am definitely adding The Curse Of King Tut’s Tomb to my Amazon shopping cart, and I highly recommend you take the plunge, too!

Tags: adventure movie, Casper Van Dien, Danny Freemont, giggle factor, Jonathan Hyde, King Tut, Starship Troopers, The Curse Of King Tut's Tomb, the mummy

No where near as frightening as the cover would have you believe...

The Bone Eater is a harmless, mildly entertaining movie chock full of stereotypes that can make you cringe. The main conflict is the nearby reservation protesting the building of a new resort on land they say is cursed, and shouldn’t be disturbed. You have the militant faction willing to resort to violence against the owner (although you don’t really see that), and the more passive protesters following Storm Cloud, the wise spiritual leader of the Katonahs. You also have the sheriff of the town who turns out to be half-Katonah, himself, and struggling to maintain neutrality as he enforces the law.

It starts off with three construction workers on the night shift. They uncover what is clearly a burial site, and accidentally release The Bone Eater, who promptly turns them all to dust, and sucks up the bones from the site. The graphics on this guy are awesomely cheesy, and I was a happy camper right off the bat.

The owner having the resort built is naturally a jerk with no respect for historical artifacts. He instructs his workers to hide anything they find, and just keep building. With three of his workers now missing, he points the fingers at the protesting Katonahs, and insists the sheriff arrest someone just on his word. This is all a conflict that doesn’t really pan out, because no one comes in to actually force the sheriff to do anything against his nature or will, but that’s alright. That actually adds to the cheese factor.

The story behind The Bone Eater is a fairly interesting tale about an evil being subdued by a magic ax, and the bones scattered around in unceremonious graves with the intention of preventing his reawakening. This poor ax gets shuffled all around, and finally finds it’s way into the proper hands for a sadly anti-climactic battle that left me disappointed.

Weak ending aside, the movie is filled with plenty of interesting characters to keep me entertained. There are cameos by Walter Koenig and William Katt. Gil Gerard plays a significant role as the head of construction on the resort project. I didn’t even recognize the former Buck Rogers and was actually miffed in my belief that he’d been mis-credited somehow. Then I saw his picture on his IMDB page. Oh my. I’ll leave it at that.

Of course the main reason I tuned in was for poor Bruce Boxleitner. After Babylon 5 he hasn’t found a solid lead on another show. All the better for me, because he’s fun to watch in these kinds of movies. He typically plays the stern but loving father whose daughter is just slightly out of control, but still a ‘good girl’, and he usually plays the town authority figure. It just suits him. Even roles that are beneath him (which is most of the things I’ve seen him in lately) he brings his full talents and charm to. I’m a little nervous at the idea of there being a Tron 2.0, since Hollywood insists on ruining everything else that was good and pure from my youth, but if it gets him back to the big screen I can forgive (a little).

I like this movie because it’s not hard on my brain, has no gore to worry about because the creature just turns people to dust, and the main creature is just a riot to watch, especially as it conjures itself up a skeletal horse to chase trucks with. The plot has plenty of holes, but you don’t watch a movie like this for a plot, so that’s okay. The characters are mostly likable, if mostly cardboard cutouts.

I recommend The Bone Eater for anyone who needs something easy on the brain that will offer up some cheap laughs, and absolutely no scares whatsoever. Overall, there are worse ways to spend an afternoon, and I guarantee I’ve wasted my time on movies with less entertainment value.

Tags: b-movie, Bruce Boxleitner, creature feature, giggle factor, Gil Gerard, Native American legends, The Bone Eater, Walter Koenig, William Katt

Oh, if only the movie made this much sense...

There’s a part of me that intensely disliked War Wolves. It started off too serious and heavy, for one thing, opening with soldiers in Iraq pinned down in a firefight while ‘Ave Maria’ plays in the background. Then it flashes to six months later, and makes absolutely no sense ever again. Everyone got back to The States, went their separate ways, yet are trying to find each other. There’s a lone survivor named Jake that is at the center of it all, with him just trying to control the beast inside himself with drugs and alcohol, and a trio of females trying to ensnare him for their purposes. There’s also a couple of old war veterans hunting down these wolf folk, with it supposedly being their life work. Basically I just have no idea who is doing what, to who, or why, let alone why I’m supposed to care. For all of that confusion, I did not like this movie.

Then there’s this other part of me that gives me a wink and a nudge and points out how ludicrous this whole mess of a movie is. There are a lot of really funny, off the wall lines. It’s also a big melting pot of odd characters that I think were throwaways from other films, but some writer thought they were too good to waste. Some characters only last long enough to delivery a soliloquy about a girl they dated in high school when they should just be shooting the werewolf they worked so hard to track down. Others hop in and out to provide whiplash as you try to keep up with their lines.

One character who does that is Gail, played by Adrienne Barbeau. Gail is a recovering alcoholic who talks about her late husband Kenny, and regales us with stories about dark blue cats, Sasquatch, Jimmy Carter seeing a U.F.O., and other such interesting tall tales. The other is Frank, played by Tim Thomerson. Frank is a war vet, hunts werewolves with his war buddy, and frequently asks you to name your top five whatever at random points in conversation, and sometimes as an answer to a question posed to him. Those are the two which appear onscreen the most, but the movie is peppered with kickboxing hotel desk clerks and an interesting assortment of Alcoholics Anonymous members who deal with werewolf hunters crashing their meeting with an oddly calm demeanor.

Then towards the end of the movie there’s some makeup that I’m sure was intended to be scary, but just made me laugh my copious butt off. Three lovely ladies are werewolves. We know this. But they stay in human form for most of the movie. For some reason in the last half hour or so they needed to make it clear they were changing into animals, so they all started to walk around with pointy ears (which were fine), and noses that simply had some dark makeup slathered on. No prosthetic to shape it more into a canine look. Just dark makeup. They looked like someone dared them to take a deep whiff out of a container as a practical joke, and ended up with grease paint all over their nose as a result. Look closer at the movie poster and you’ll see exactly what I’m talking about.

Maybe I’m just immature and think that’s funny when it isn’t, but then again, I love bad movies, so my maturity level shouldn’t even be a topic of conversation. No matter what, War Wolves is not a good movie, and if I had been in a slightly different mood I think I would have hated it outright. However, it’s full of so much ridiculousness that part of me wants to watch it again just to see what I missed. In fact, maybe I’ll plan for that some night in the future when I don’t have to be at work the next day, and we have a full bottle of Jameson Whiskey in the house. This is definitely a drinking movie.