Sunday
Aug032008
Anaconda 3 - This recipe needs more David Hasselhoff
Sunday, August 3, 2008 at 8:13PM
Why does Anaconda 3 get the privilege of being the first cheesy movie I review? Because of two powerful words: David Hasselhoff. Say it with me: Da-vid Hass-el-hoff. It just rolls off the tongue, right? David Hasselhoff of the classic movie, Nick Fury: Agent Of Shield. Let's not forget his courageous portrayal of himself in The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie. I think he did some tv shows here and there, but none compare to Nick Fury: Agent Of Shield, in my humble opinion.
Alright, I digress. I warn you, I do that.
Nothing about Anaconda 3 left a mark on me. I watched it. I noticed John Rhys-Davies playing the ill billionaire attempting to cheat death by financing research involving anacondas. I noticed lots of blood shed and horrible CGI blood that makes it clear what kind of budget they were given to work with. But the entire time I watched, I was bored. Except, of course, when Mr. Hasselhoff was on screen. He manages to bring a ray of light (and well-needed sharp cheddar cheese) to an otherwise lackluster script. I truly believe he only takes roles he thinks he'll enjoy, because even when he's getting beat up by a girl, he seems to be having fun. You have to wait until the end of the movie to see that, but it's a good fight scene, and almost worth the painful ennui you will endure getting there.
Whatever media missteps David Hasselhoff might have made, and will surely make in the future, he's the only reason I watched Anaconda 3. I actually giggled like a school girl when I saw the previews, much to the chagrin of close friends. But even his powerful cheesy aura is not strong enough to make me watch it ever again. DVR it or Netflix it for background noise only, and don't bother to look up until you hear that certain distinctive voice.
You have been warned.
Alright, I digress. I warn you, I do that.
Nothing about Anaconda 3 left a mark on me. I watched it. I noticed John Rhys-Davies playing the ill billionaire attempting to cheat death by financing research involving anacondas. I noticed lots of blood shed and horrible CGI blood that makes it clear what kind of budget they were given to work with. But the entire time I watched, I was bored. Except, of course, when Mr. Hasselhoff was on screen. He manages to bring a ray of light (and well-needed sharp cheddar cheese) to an otherwise lackluster script. I truly believe he only takes roles he thinks he'll enjoy, because even when he's getting beat up by a girl, he seems to be having fun. You have to wait until the end of the movie to see that, but it's a good fight scene, and almost worth the painful ennui you will endure getting there.
Whatever media missteps David Hasselhoff might have made, and will surely make in the future, he's the only reason I watched Anaconda 3. I actually giggled like a school girl when I saw the previews, much to the chagrin of close friends. But even his powerful cheesy aura is not strong enough to make me watch it ever again. DVR it or Netflix it for background noise only, and don't bother to look up until you hear that certain distinctive voice.
You have been warned.
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