The Mummy 3: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor-& Demise Of This Franchise

I loved The Mummy and The Mummy Returns. The quick wit of the scripts and the chemistry amongst the cast members make it tops, in my book. The story lines were familiar, but had just enough polish and zing added to make them original. And of course, for the females in the audience, we have Brendan Fraser kicking mummy butt, alongside the scorchingly hot Oded Fehr (who is the only reason I watched the last two Resident Evil flicks).

Now we have number 3. I saw the previews. I was excited. It looked really cool. I mean, there was a dragon, there are mummies, and yetis! The yetis look so cool! The plot has a ton of potential, and with the passion present in the first two films provided by Stephen Sommers, I expect a tour de force.

Then I saw it all on the big screen, and it just laid there. It was, limp, lifeless, and dare I say, flaccid? I haven't been this disappointed by a series of performances since my ex-husband.

I can forgive Evie being re-cast. It happens. However, I would have preferred that the script be rewritten to avoid the necessity. That would have been better than the forced camaraderie we see on screen. I simply don't buy Maria Bello as this character, and you can feel in every line she delivers how uncomfortable she is in those shoes. We lose the spark between Rick and Evie with this pale substitution.

Then there's the son, Alex. He's supposed to be twenty now? Oh, yeah, and he's a womanizer. I guess. And an adventurous, rebellious spirt. I guess. He was as flat and uninteresting a character as I've ever seen. His love interest is much better, but so little attention is paid to character development in this thing that she ends up falling flat, as well. And supposedly after fighting with Alex in this tomb she's been protecting for 2,000 years (and apparently not able to fend off an old professor and a young punk), she joins him and his family in their quest to put down the mummy that, of course, is resurrected. Oh, yeah, and she falls in love with Alex. (I know these sound like spoilers, but really, they aren't. You'll predict it all at least five minutes before it happens).

The whole script and plot is sloppy. Things are done without any explanation, and we as an audience are supposed to suspend not just our disbelief, but our intelligence quotient. The Dragon Emperor is cursed, and turned to a clay statue. We see him thusly transformed into a figure clawing at the sky, his expression full of hatred. (Jet Li is perfectly cast in this role, and is one bright spot.) Then when the tomb is discovered, he and his massive army (also left in various stages of agonized posture) are standing perfectly straight, in military bearing, and the Dragon Emperor is even holding the reins to his chariot and horse, looking like the imposing leader he is. When the hell did that happen? The witch (played by the ever-awesome, and tragically wasted in this film, Michelle Yeoh) has already ridden off, presumably to die. Did she come back to straighten things up, because the feng shui demanded it? Come on!

Alright, I'm digressing again. It happens.

Instead of reading my bitching and whining about the movie, which is most definitely not an isolated opinion, let's leave it at this: Don't waste the money on the movie experience. Wait for it to hit Netflix, or your renting facility of choice. You will get a couple of chuckles out it, but they're hard won, and you'll feel a little dirty for giving this thing any kind of encouragement. Your fair warning for this film: Stephen Sommers worked on the screenplay, but IMDB shows it as 'uncredited'. If he doesn't want credit for it, what does that tell you?

I'm going to go cry over what was done to one of my favorite movie franchises in my lifetime. I'm praying that the rumors of a Mummy 4 are greatly exaggerated.