Merlin's Apprentice: An intolerable waste of four hours of my life
Wednesday, January 28, 2009 at 5:38AM 
This should have been great, instead of painful.
Check out the ripped off Harry Potter font on Merlin's Apprentice and you don't need to be a wizard to get a dark feeling of dread. This weak followup to the awesome mini-series of 1998 does not disappoint in dishing out disappointments. It's not god-awful, and is still better than a lot of tripe out there, but as the supposed continuation of Merlin's adventures, it left me with a cold, empty feeling, even worse than when you realize all the rum is gone.
The ensemble cast have mostly done great things outside of Merlin's Apprentice, but within the confines of a flimsy plot with dull dialogue, no one shines. Not even Sam Neill as Merlin, or Miranda Richardson as The Lady Of The Lake, who are veterans of the craft, could summon up a spark for their roles. They are deserving of so much more than cliché lines, cartoonish special effects, and wooden characters. Shame on their agents for telling them to do this.
What's really sad is that this should have been a spectacular story. There are tons of interesting characters, including Brian (Brianna), played by Meghan Ohry. She plays a girl pretending to be a young man so she may be knighted, all so she can then challenge a man who wronged her family to a duel of honor. Yes, a bit trite, but it could have been very, very interesting. Instead, they shove her to the sidelines as a minor love interest, an occasional sword fighter, and cardboard cutout of personality and emotion. The story is diminished further because of it.
The young woman who is presented as the granddaughter of one of the knights of the Round Table is somewhat more interesting, and portrayed with the most enthusiasm out of all of the cast. Her storyline at least makes a bit of sense. It doesn't hurt that the actress, Tegan Moss, obviously enjoys this role, despite it's limitations, and proves there's no small parts. While she doesn't exactly shine, she is one of the brightest points in the film.
The apprentice himself should have been much more interesting, but he's not. Perhaps John Reardon hadn't found his voice yet, or he was just taking cues for the more experienced actors around him and speaking his lines with as little heart as possible. Or he could just be one of those actors who will never amount to much because he's just a passable face, and not much else. He went on to a role on Painkiller Jane, a show I loved, and his character was dull there, too.
The premise of the story is just plain confusing to me. The end of the first mini-series seemed so definite and final, yet this just picks a random spot to start, with no good explanation. Excuse me, but Arthur died at the end of the first mini-series, giving Merlin Excalibur to protect. Merlin then got to go live happily ever after with the love of his life many years later. End of story. Happy freakin' ending! They should have left it alone.
But oh, no, they go back to somewhere in the middle, and screw around with the storyline. It's as if they decided, 'Yeah, we know we're doing a sequel, but you know what? We're going to ignore the canon created by that awesome mini-series, and just throw some pasta at a wall and see what sticks. Oh, look, it landed on the Holy Grail! Oh, but that means we have to have Arthur still alive and Merlin still hanging around... Oh, heck, no one's going to notice, are they? What kind of loser would pay that much attention to a mini-series done eight years before our abuse of celluloid is created?'
Okay, I'm digressing again, but I'm just so mad at how badly this turned out!
Anyway, the storyline is that the Holy Grail was found and housed in Camelot, which was wonderful and glorious. However when Arthur passed, the Grail vanished out of protest of 'the dark stain' that then falls over Camelot. We have to spend the rest of the movie listening to everyone call themselves and everyone else around them 'the dark stain'. For over three hours we have to listen to this, and the rum is gone, mind you. When the true culprit is finally revealed it is so anti-climactic, you may be tempted to respond to those emails you get about 'natural male enhancement' just to counteract the effect.
There is nothing of merit to Merlin's Apprentice. There's no cool CGI, no great one-liners, no memorable characters, and they wash out the characters that were interesting from Merlin. It feels like a bad soap opera without the linear storyline. I will not watch this again, I will not buy the DVD. I will watch the original Merlin mini-series in hopes that I can erase the shadow this worthless sequel casts over it. I offer this review as a caution to all that you should not waste your time on Merlin's Apprentice. You have been warned.
Reader Comments (1)
[...] Knights Of Bloodsteel was a heck of a lot better than the last mini series I watched (Merlin’s Apprentice). It’s not that original, but at least all the parts it steals from classic tales we’ve [...]