"C" is for Clash Of The Titans

The Kraken just wants a cookie!

Clash Of The Titans is my 'go to' movie when I need a lot of cheese with a lot of giggle factor and a lot of lovingly crafted stop motion special effects. With corny acting and dialogue, this movie earns it's place as the representative of the letter 'C' in my Cheese Alphabet!

Released in 1981 and starring Harry Hamlin as the heroic Perseus, Clash Of The Titans captured my interest and never let it go. I've easily lost track of how many times I've watched it, and I never get tired of the cheesy dialogue and special effects. I won't admit to how young I was when this came out, but I will admit that may be part of why I love this movie so much.

The plot is pretty much true to the legends and lore of the gods, including mortals being mere toys for their amusement. Zeus seduces young Danae as a shower of gold and leaves her pregnant with Perseus. Her father casts her and the child to the sea, and is promptly punished by the outraged Zeus. Perseus and his mother are guided to a quiet island where the son of a god grows up handsome and strong.

Naturally Thetis is a bit put out when her own spoiled son, Calibos, is punished for horrific transgressions against the creatures of the land, including the winged horses. In retribution against Zeus, she plucks Perseus from his island and deposits him in the middle of Jopa. This is the city her son would have ruled had he not been transformed into a hideous beast so that the beautiful young Andromeda then refuses to marry him (not that she's shallow). This is when the story really picks up, and we get quests, adventures, and fighting with giant scorpions and two headed dogs.

The acting is comical, and the romance ridiculous, but if it weren't the movie wouldn't be entertaining. You could have a drinking game where someone drinks every time a character repeats the last line someone else just said. I often joke that the movie would be half as long if they eliminated that element. Still, it's all part of this film's charm and giggle factor.

I think what draws me to watch Clash Of The Titans over and over is the attention to detail on the special effects. This stuff was done by hand, and with creative use of blue screens. Scenes of Poseidon underwater look really cool, even though I'm pretty sure he just stood with a fan blowing on him to make his hair wave against the current. The shots of the city of Argos being flooded are incredible. The work on Bobo the flying mechanical owl, the Gorgon, a giant vulture, and of course, The Kraken, while choppy by today's standards, are top notch in my opinion. It's a work of love when someone puts that much detail into a clay figure, including making sure you see the poor Kraken's belly button. By the way, the theory in our household is that the Kraken just wanted a cookie. Not that you needed to know that, but I still felt the need to share it. Now try to watch the movie without thinking about it...

I'm dreading the remake of this film scheduled for a 2010 release. I just know they're going to ruin the spirit of it. The original didn't need slick CGI to entertain. In fact, the 'old school' method makes it that much more awesome. Slick, perfect CGI will make it cold and just like every other slick CGI-laden feature being released. The eye candy gets more attention than the actual script and acting, and the film then suffers even more. If movie makers would just come up with their own ideas instead of 're-booting' classics, we'd live to see a true 'Golden Age' of cinema again.

Alas, I will have to cherish my DVD of Clash Of The Titans and hope I can protect it from those who would 'update it for today's audience.' To those who thought it a good idea to do so, I say 'Screw you and the winged CGI horse you flew in on'. The 1981 version will never be outdone!