Attack Of The Sabretooth: A movie with cheesy CGI bite

Cute lil

Okay, this isn't going to win any awards for acting, writing, or special effects. But it is a lot of laughs along the way!

I like movies that don't take themselves seriously, and Attack Of The Sabretooth doesn't seem to know the meaning of the word 'serious'. It has no problem ripping off a huge chunk from Jurassic Park, including the goofy fonts used on the amusement park signs, as well as the genetic tinkering element. The entire premise of this exclusive resort island is a watered down version of that movie, just featuring saber tooth tigers. While that may seem like a weak premise for a story, it provides plenty of cheese and giggle factor for me to sit and enjoy!

What helps is a large cast of actors who understand that they're in a bad movie, and play it up. Lines are delivered that make you groan, and people take blood splatter, entrails, decapitation, and bifurcation all in stride. Some of the characters are annoying, but it's okay, because a lot of formulas for B movies are followed, and their flaws are dealt with appropriately.

It all starts off with an island paradise where a rich man is trying to become richer by launching a prehistoric amusement park (try not to have the Jurassic Park theme run through your head, I dare you). He's invited a huge crowd of potential investors, including his ex-brother-in-law whom he just wants to make jealous. A group of college kids are also inexplicably on the island during this big party for potential investors, so the element of ludicrous abounds. They're there on a scavenger hunt as pledges to a fraternity/sorority, so they sneak all around this park, unwitting freeing animals that just got put back in their cages from escaping at the beginning of the movie.

The guards don't take their jobs seriously at all, and wander into the pens just waiting to become snacks. We see this right away when a guard decides a nudie picture is worth chasing after. We get glimpses of the big kitties a few minutes in, and they look like they were stolen right off a Discovery Channel special. Fluid movement was not in the budget. The lady in charge of security naturally notices things aren't right, but of course is told to just contain the problem or find a new job. About that time the whole security system is taken down by the college kids, and the fun really starts.

Brian Wimmer plays some sort of handyman/security guard/boy toy, but his character isn't as wooden as I've seen in other movies. He's charismatic and funny, and plays well off of Stacy Haiduk, the awesome Lillie from Kindred: The Embraced. Nicholas Bell is the rich guy who doesn't understand why the kitties don't like him when he loves them for their revenue-generating potential. Robert Carradine plays the jerk brother-in-law, and has several entertaining interactions with Nicholas Bell. The cast of college students were all pretty forgettable, but I only rooted for the saber tooth tigers against a couple of them.

The writing and storyline are very average, but have enough one-liners to keep my interest and make me either roll my eyes or giggle. It's all standard fare, but my husband insists that I point out that one of the college students claimed her dad made money by working for "the company that made Linux". When she said he made a fortune off of it, I thought he was going to burst a blood vessel, seeing as it's open source, free software. Oh well! That's the kind of attention to detail that makes this movie so much fun! (Okay, my geek duty has been fulfilled.)

Don't watch Attack Of The Sabretooth with any kind of expectations except for low ones, and better yet, low brow ones. You could put it on mute and not miss any of the story, but you would miss one liners, over the top acting, and lots of snarls and munching sounds as prehistoric kitties fight their bulimia. Oh, you didn't know genetically engineered saber tooth tigers were bulimic? Well, watch this movie to find out what else you didn't know about genetically engineered saber tooth tigers and the people they snack on!