"F" is for Flash Gordon
Friday, March 6, 2009 at 4:00AM 
Cheese overload!
I've seen the 1980's Flash Gordon so many times I could probably recite all of the dialogue with it on mute. This is another film that made a deeper impression on me during some critical formative years than would be wise to acknowledge without the backdrop of professional psychiatric help.
Based on the classic comic strip character, this rendition starts off with a bored Ming The Merciless sending natural disasters of biblical proportions at Earth, and just for kicks starts the moon on a crash course for the planet. The intent is destruction, of course, but he likes to play with things a bit before annihilation.
On Earth, Flash Gordon and Dale Arden are boarding a small plane. Flash is a football player in this story, which plays nicely into some ridiculous costumes later on. They hit it off just in time for their plane to crash into the lab of crazy scientist, Zarkov, who recognizes that Earth is under attack. He plans to fly up to meet the threat in a homemade rocket, and grabs Flash and Dale to help him fly it.
Of course the rocket gets captured in space and brought to Mongo where they meet Ming, his creepy second in command, Klytus, and Ming's seductive daughter, Aura. Conveniently all of the tribes of Mongo are there to offer tribute to Ming, so we also get to meet the other two main players, Prince Vultan of the Hawkmen, and Prince Barin of Arboria. Everyone is at war with everyone else, so no one has thought to join their considerable forces to overthrow Ming. I guess it takes a bleach blond football player from America to make that happen!
The world of Flash Gordon is brightly colored, noisy, and violent in a cartoonish sort of way. Blood runs green, blue and red. Daughters of tyrants are manipulative and boy crazy. Some people dissolve into ooze when they die. Hawkmen soar through the air with barely a wing flapping, Arborians dress like Robin Hood's Merry Men, and everywhere you look someone is firing a really loud laser gun. A lot of detail went into all the worlds of Mongo, and there are a lot of secondary characters which add an extra layer of giggle factor. The whole thing is ludicrous, campy, and intentionally cheesy, basically a cartoon brought to life. There is nothing about this movie that doesn't make me giggle every time I watch it!
Sam J. Jones and Melody Anderson who played Flash Gordon and Dale Arden never really had their careers take off after this movie. It didn't do well in the American box office, for one thing, and apparently Sam J. Jones ended up having his dialogue dubbed after the fact by a professional voice actor. Is it sad that I don't notice the overdub? Probably for Sam J. Jones.
Max Von Sydow is another caliber actor too good for this movie, yet there he is, playing Ming The Merciless with style and flair. Timothy Dalton and Brian Blessed are both solid actors which I'm still shocked to see in a movie like Flash Gordon. Brian Blessed seemed to have a blast. Timothy Dalton is so serious in every role I've ever seen him in I can't tell if he had fun, or not. Either way, his intensity just added more cheesy goodness.
Let's not forget the soundtrack, which was performed by Queen. Before this movie we were lucky to get maybe a song at the end of the credits, and something orchestral everywhere else. If you don't get a stupid grin just listening to the opening credits, you're not meant to watch this movie, because you won't understand it's appeal. Queen's music set the perfect tone to go along with the tongue-in-cheek humor, cornball acting, and all the other ridiculous aspects that make Flash Gordon one of the best cheesy movies of all time.
If you haven't seen this movie you need to set aside an evening and give it a viewing. Pop a giant bowl of popcorn. Get a box of Milk Duds, Good N' Plenty, or Junior Mints. Turn off your cell phone so you have no distractions. Make sure your 'You've got to be kidding! That's just ridiculous!' receptors have been disabled so your head doesn't explode. Then sit back and prepare to be entertained by a movie of galactic cheesy proportions!
And now enjoy a video of Queen performing the theme to this awesome movie!
Reader Comments (2)
What was it that Dale said at the end?
"I need more excitement: I'm a New York City girl"
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